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What is sex positive therapy?

Sexual shame often takes hold at a young age. Subtle (and sometimes, not so subtle) messages at home, school, church, or in our wider culture teach us that the sexual parts of ourselves are dirty, embarrassing, or wrong. Children learn quickly that naked bodies are taboo and that the names of genitals are unsayable.

 

At the same time that we come to internalize the message that sexuality is dirty, young adults are exposed to hypersexual media every day. Instead of safe and developmentally appropriate sex education from parents and trusted teachers, young adults learn about sex through sexualized music, social media, and internet porn. Young people today are exposed to more porn than ever, and free access porn itself often models extreme, violent, and degrading images devoid of intimacy and care.

In adolescence, shame continues to develop along gendered lines. Adolescent girls learn that their bodies are the most important aspect of who she is; she learns that she must stay thin, not be too bossy or opinionated, that her clothes & makeup should look "flattering", and that others will criticize her body openly if she does not measure up. Unwanted attention and sexual pressures often become a source of stress and anxiety in girls; many girls experience sexual violence in their formative years. Boys begin to feel the expectations to appear tough & strong in his teen years. He may feel pressured to "prove himself" to other boys by hiding his emotions and participating in loveless sexual acts. These pressures only increase the shame of male survivors of sexual violence. LGBTQ+ youth may further struggle with social isolation and shame as they realize they do not fit the strict heterosexual, masculine/feminine roles that our culture frames as "normal" and desirable. All of these psychic damages are amplified when we do not have a safe, loving adult to turn to as we get older. 

By adulthood, it is no wonder that many of us have developed distorted relationships with our bodies and sexuality. We are robbed of the belief that we are important and worth loving no matter what our bodies look like, that our body belongs to us, that the violations and violence of others are never our fault. LGBTQ+ adults have often lived through numerous hurtful experiences, rejection and shaming by peers or loved ones, inadequate healthcare, and fractures in their spiritual identity. Traumatic experiences, even those long in the past, can unexpectedly show up in our romantic relationships, body image, and mental health. 

Sex positive therapy, then, is simple: it takes the above realities into account during mental health treatment. Sex positive therapy carves out a space where open, non-judgmental discussion about sexual parts of ourselves is safe and welcome. Challenges to grow are based in affirmation of exploring who you are, rather than shaming who you are.  sex, gender, sexual orientation, body type, race, and other intersecting identities. 

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If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis, help is available. Dial or text 988, to reach the FREE US Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

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Office in West End

Winston-Salem, NC 27101​

Open M-F from 10-6pm

Green Center Therapy
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