Kink and Safety Guide

Whether you’re new to kink or an experienced practitioner, understanding how to engage safely is essential for creating positive sexual experiences.

The Foundation of Kink Safety: SSC and RACK

Two primary frameworks guide safety in kink: SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) and RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink).

SSC emphasizes that activities should be safe (as free from harm as possible), sane (engaged in with clear judgment), and consensual (all parties agree without coercion).
RACK acknowledges that risk is inherent in kink, so participants should be fully aware of potential dangers and make informed decisions accordingly.

RACK was created in response to SSC because some folks may find it limiting, particularly if risk is part of the kink. Both models highlight the importance of consent and communication before engaging in any kinky activity.

Setting Boundaries

Consent is the bedrock of any healthy kink experience. This means having explicit, enthusiastic, and ongoing consent from all parties. Before engaging in play, make sure you discuss:

Hard limits: things you will not do under any circumstances
Soft limits: activities that might be okay under certain conditions
A safe word: a designated word or gesture to pause or stop play immediately
Aftercare needs: emotional and physical care after playtime concludes

Open communication before, during, and after play supports sexual health.

Protecting Emotional Safety

Kink can be deeply emotional, bringing up unexpected reactions or past trauma. Emotional safety includes:

Play with intention: prepare ahead of time and do not assume you and your partner will be fine without discussing and planning.
Check in with yourself and your partner(s) regularly
Be ready to stop at any time - respect emotional boundaries and triggers
Practice aftercare, which may include cuddling, reassurance, debriefing, or space as needed
Educate yourself appropriately. For example, learn about subdrop and domdrop, emotional lows that can happen after an intense scene, and planning support accordingly!

Protecting Physical Safety

Certain types of play come with inherent risks. Taking precautions is necessary to significantly reduce harm.

Impact Play: Use proper techniques and avoid hitting areas with vital organs, the spine, or joints.
Bondage: Ensure circulation isn’t restricted and have safety scissors nearby to remove restraints quickly.
Breath Play: This carries a high level of risk and extreme caution is recommended. For those who wish to engage in breath play despite these risks, it should only be done with extensive research and guidance from an experienced source.
Electroplay, Fire Play, and Edge Play: These require specific safety knowledge and experience to prevent burns, shocks, or severe injury.

Always educate yourself and practice new techniques in controlled environments before incorporating them into play.

Getting Informed

For those looking to deepen their knowledge of kink while prioritizing trauma awareness, the following books are excellent resources:

"The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk – While not kink-specific, this book provides valuable insights into trauma and how it affects the nervous system, which can be essential for understanding emotional safety in sexual contexts.
"Playing Well with Others" by Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams – An introduction to the kink community, emphasizing consent and negotiation.
SM 101: A Realistic Introduction" by Jay Wiseman – A foundational book on BDSM, covering safety, techniques, and comunication.
"The Topping Book" and "The Bottoming Book" by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy – Explore power dynamics and emotional safety in kink play.
"Healing Sex" by Staci Haines – Focused on reclaiming sexuality after trauma, this book explores navigating intimacy and kink safely.
"Kink: Stories" edited by R.O. Kwon and Garth Greenwell – A collection of fiction, this book includes narratives that explore the psychological aspects of kink and power dynamics.